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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  February 28, 2016 10:00pm-11:03pm PST

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and now abc's "jimmy kimmel live after the oscars"! >> jimmy: how do you think it went? what did you think of j-law's dress? which white people did you go after, bro? >> over here. >> jimmy. jimmy kimmel. what are you doing out here? >> jimmy: my mom got me this camera. so i just figured i'd get a few shots. >> don't you have an after the oscars special tonight? >> yeah. but -- chris, did you get a gift basket? what was in that gift basket? can i get some of that nourishing lotion in can i get some of those soaps? >> peace out. >> jimmy: chris. yo, chris. did leo rock that tux tonight? chris, are you going to elephants? chris, who are you wearing? chris, i didn't find out who you're wearing!
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i need to know who you're wearing! >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live after the oscars." tonight, ben affleck, tracy morgan, henry cavill, jesse eisenberg, j.k. simmons, will arnette, nathan lane, matthew broderick, mike tyson. and less as we go to the governor's ball. with cleto and the cletones. and now, lights, camera, action. here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i was not expecting this. thank you. i'm jimmy. thanks for watching. thanks for staying up. i know it's late for a sunday night, but welcome to our 11th annual "after the oscars" special. the statues have been handed out. the speeches have been spoken. and once again, i was not invited to any of the afterparties. so here we are together. [ cheers and applause ] making the best of it. it was a night of controversy. it was a night of awareness. it was a night of a lot of uncomfortable famous white people trying to make sure they clapped when the cameras were on them. [ laughter ] as you know, there were no black nominees in the acting categories. tonight's oscar hopefuls were whiter than the line to buy t-shirts at a michael bolton concert. [ laughter ] the only way a black or a hispanic or asian actor was going to win an oscar tonight was if they let steve harvey announce the winner. and that didn't happen. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] the show itself went mostly as
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expected. there weren't a ton of surprises. i think the biggest surprise of the night was learning there's actually a movie called "the 100-year-old man who climbed out the window and disappeared." [ laughter ] it was an interesting show. the sound cut out on one of the guys who won best sound design. [ laughter ] true. the -- i think the person -- the kid who introduced best short was short. so that was good. [ laughter ] and the woman who won best costume design showed up dressed like this. >> this is the second oscar and 10th nomination for jenny beavan, who took home her first oscar in this category for "a room with a view." >> jimmy: she looked like sammy hagar at sturgess. [ laughter ] i guess she doesn't take her work home with her. "spotlight" won best picture. that was a bit of a surprise. brie larson won best actress. leonardo dicaprio. [ cheers and applause ] won best actor. leo had been nominated six
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times, but until tonight he never won. but everyone kept saying this is his year. and it was. but you know, the man has had sex with a different victoria's secret model every night of his life -- every year is his year. and from 1991 on has been his year. [ laughter ] it was a special night, whether you're a fan of the movies, movie stars, or the ryan seacrest menswear collection. we still have many great moments in store for you. ben affleck is here from the new movie "batman versus superman." [ applause ] he's batman. yesterday was ben's 4-year-old son's birthday party. and guess what kos foocostume h made him wear to entertain the kids at the party. that's right. we'll find out how that went. it's not all glamorous, this hollywood stuff. one day you're on the red carpet. next day 15 preschoolers are beating you with pinata sticks. right now the stars are heading to the governor's ball. this is the big post-oscars party right across the street. our man guillermo is there standing by live via our big cisco screen.
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let's go to him now. hello, guillermo. guillermo, what's the action like? are there any big stars around? >> yes, jimmy, there's a lot of big stars around here. >> jimmy: well, why don't you -- >> beautiful women too. >> jimmy: why don't you have any of them? >> oh. they're at the bar right now. >> jimmy: okay. they're at the bar. see who you can russell up for us and we'll check back in later. but how many drinks have you had? >> about 14 shots of tequila. >> jimmy: great. perfect. so he's ready to go. that's actually less than he typically has on a sunday night. thank you, guillermo. we'll check back in with you later at the governor's ball. one of the most critically acclaimed movies of the year this year that was not nominated for best picture was "creed," the story of rocky balboa training the son of one of his great rivals. sylvester stallone was nominated for an oscar for his performance in the film. but you know, it wouldn't be a rocky movie without a sequel. so tonight i'm pleased to debut the world premiere trailer for the much anticipated follow-up to "creed." >> i don't have a choice.
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this is my one shot. i was born to do this. can't nobody stop me. [ laughter ] >> you got no business being in here. all these other fighters, they're fighting for their lives. look at you. eating a hero sandwich. >> it's a hoagie. >> get the hell out of my gym! >> look at this. your first fight with clubber. you got caught with a right uppercut in the pee-pee. and you sounded like a dolphin with an itchy blowhole. [ dolphin sounds ] >> how do you know so much about that fight? >> because that was my pops. >> clubber lang jr.
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>> that's what maury povich told us. i need you to train me. >> train you to do what? >> what you think i'm talking about, fool? to fight. >> you don't look like a fighter. >> i've been fighting my whole life. fighting with people who said i couldn't fight. fighting my demons. fighting the lady in the wendy's drive-thru because she wouldn't give me extra dipping sauce. >> where's my dipping sauce? >> all i asked for was extra honey mustard! [ crying ] >> i'll teach you to fight, kid. let's get some shorts on you because we got work to do. >> all i asked for was extra honey mustard. >> the bastards. [ alarm clock ] ♪ >> come on. come on now!
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one. >> come on, chicken. come over here. >> boxing isn't just about strength and condition. it's about heart, brains. >> thighs. and wings. >> over, under, around and through. meet mr. bunny, pull it through. you're not focusing. you've got to focus! >> beat that meat like you mean it! harder! harder! you've got to kill him! give it to him! what the hell are you doing? whoa! whoa! hey. hey. no. no. no. got it. >> you got it. you got it. you got it! [ applause ] >> well, it's a fight nobody thought would happen, ray. >> this is a fight nobody thought should happen.
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this is a disgrace to the sport of boxing. but i can't wait to see it. >> this is our last mouthpiece. don't eat this one. >> i keep thinking it's gum. >> focus, kid! you need your edge out there. >> hey. i got you some. >> honey mustard. you remembered. >> that's right. now go get them, blubber. >> i'm clubber. >> i know. >> i love you so much. i've got hair in my teeth. go get him! >> here's the bell. >> pop? >> quit your jibber-jabber, fool! ♪ [ laughter ]
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>> how am i doing? >> good. yeah. there will be a sequel. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have to fake a break, but it will be worth it. we have many stars and many surprises on the way. it is our biggest show of the year. our 11th annual "after the oscars" special. we'll be right back after this. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ why can't i buy this weird, shaved-meat sandwich ♪ with my phone? why can't my battery last long enough to navigate me throuhese scary woods? ugh. eh, probably fine though. [lightning strike] why can't my phone have enough memory to hold all a hundred and forty-five of my movies, like that one with the action and the martial arts. you seen that one? why can't my phone take high quality low light photos instead of this big, expensive camera? [police siren] why don't you come down from there sir? you got it! why doesn't my phone work after i pour this expensive champagne all over it? how am i 'sposed to show people how rich and carefree i am? why did i have to wait so long in this commercial to do a celebrity sports person cameo?
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[scoreboard buzzer] why don't i ever get asked to be the spokesperson in the commercial? ha, ha. good question. introducing the only water-resistant, fast, wireless-charging, best camera having, memory expandable, pay almost anywhere, samsung galaxy s7 edge. vr experience ended. man, i would have made a great spokesperson. [sigh] the new, do everything, galaxy s7 edge.
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♪ scanner: rescan item. rescan, rescan. rescan item. vo: it happens so often you almost get used to it. phone voice: main menu representative. representative. representative. vo: which is why being put first... relax, we got this. vo: ...takes some getting used to. join the nation. ♪ nationwide is on your side representative. got two jobs to pay a mortgage,, and i've also got a brain. life's short, talk is cheap. i'll be working while you sleep. still don't think i've got a brain? you think a resume's enough? who'll step up when things get tough? don't you want that kind of brain? a degree is a degree. you're gonna want someone like me. but only if you have a brain.
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increase speed, full throttle! (over intercom) ann, are you coming in? negative! stay on target. what are you guys doing? r2, thrusters! they're closing in! i'll guard the base. for every family that lives star wars, this is the place where star wars lives. where a galaxy far, far away... ...is closer than ever before. move along. come join us...as star wars awakens. now at disneyland resort. (from x-wing) hyperspace! >> jimmy: hello and welcome back to our 11th annual "after the >> jimmy: welcome back to our 11th annual after the oscars show. ben "batman" affleck is on the way as are many other luminaries. but first, let's check in with guillermo at the wall of america at the governor's ball. oh, look at this, guillermo. you did it. i asked you to get us a big star. you got us a big star.
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sacha baron cohen. hello, sacha. [ cheers and applause ] >> hello, america. >> jimmy: hey, you had a pretty quick costume change there, i guess. >> i don't know what you're talking about. that wasn't me. >> jimmy: oh. i forgot. that's right. >> the academy would never let somebody like ali g come out. >> jimmy: was that -- >> when i went to the toilet, it was done. >> jimmy: was it true sacha -- you were supposed to present and instead ali g wound up filling in for you as a surprise to the oscars? >> that is true. that is true. i was very dismayed because i was getting ready. nature called. i went into the bathroom. next thing i knew, i had been usurped by ali g and made a fool out of. >> jimmy: now, ali g presented with olivia. did she know that ali g was coming out instead of you? [ cheers and applause ] oh. [ cheers and applause ]
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i'm trying to -- guillermo -- i'm real sorry. >> i'm not aware. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: sacha, i apologize, but there are some idiots in the back. >> yeah. there's a lot of complete, pardon my french, [ bleep ] that have been walking around. >> jimmy: yeah, there are people jumping around in the back like -- >> trying to get famous. a lot of people here kind of very upset they didn't win tonight. >> jimmy: you know, this is really a shame that we put so much work into this show and then people just show up and they ruin it like that. it really is -- >> they're bad losers. >> jimmy: well, sacha, you have a movie "the brothers grimsby" coming out. >> that's right. march 11th. >> jimmy: again, i apologize for what's going on here. this is very unprofessional. guillermo, you're the one who should be watching what's going on. get the guy behind you out tof the shot!
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>> who is -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm very sorry, sacha. there's no excuse for that. i apologize. again, some people are just gross. thank you very much. sacha baron cohen at the governor's ball. >> thank you, jimmy. [ applause ] you lost. stay away. next year. >> jimmy: keep rounding people up, will you, guillermo? yeah. >> sure, jimmy. >> jimmy: okay. thank you very much. you know, again, i -- [ cheers and applause ] it just really pisses me off. that's all. [ laughter ] so back to the movies. you know, this is the reason why we're watching television tonight. oscar night is a night to celebrate great films. if you're at all familiar with the movie "the producers," you know it is one of the best comedies ever. [ cheers and applause ] "the producers" is a classic, won an oscar for mel brooks. record-breaking 12 tony awards when mel made it into a broadway musical starring nathan lane and matthew broderick. it's been almost 15 years since that musical premiered. and now bialystock and bloom are
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back with a diabolical new scheme to unleash their most spectacular disaster yet. >> they were a pair of political consultants who needed a break. >> that's it. we're finished. through, kaput. >> don't say that, max. >> let's face it, bloom. we haven't had a winning campaign in years. >> max, do you realize that under the right circumstances it might be possible for us to make more money from a losing candidate than from a winner? >> what did you just say? >> first we find a bad candidate. then we raise money like crazy and we promise all the donors an ambassadorship. to italy or sweden or armenia. then when the public figures out what a nut case our guy is, h drops out of the race -- >> and we keep all of the dough. oh, oh, oh, oh, darling bloom. glorious bloom. you little genius, you. >> max, don't. >> but wait. wait. this candidate. he's got to be the worst candidate in history. a real train wreck. a schmuck, a putz, a grade-a
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world-class nincompoop. where would we find a buffoon like that? >> and now a message from the boardroom. [ applause ] >> people have been asking about my desk and the fact that i have so many papers on my desk. it's actually very neat but if you look around, i mean, there's a lot of stuff. i noticed over the years -- have a lot going on on their desk. >> hand me the phone. the phone. >> my december sak a very important part of me. >> hello? operator? get me the boardroom. you know which one. >> they had a foolproof plan. >> there's a new horse in the race for the white house. his name, donald j. trump. can he beat the establishment? who will support him? fiscal conservatives? the religious right? or crazy old semi-racist white people?
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>> are you sure he can win, mr. bialystock? >> oh, mrs. kaminsky, donald trump is the very definition of a winner. >> just read the pin. >> bless you, mrs. kaminsky. bless you. thank you. thank you. yes, i keep the checky. thank you. thank you, mrs. kaminsky. yes. good-bye, mrs. kaminsky. here we go. that's a girl. oh. >> oh. >> oh. beautiful, beautiful. we're going right out the door. easy now. we don't have time for that. easy. all right. don't worry. it's only six flights. bye. bye. thank god for citizens united. >> that makes 22 ambassadors to france so far. >> and 25 million bucks. bloom, i have to tell you, running trump was smart. but your idea about building a wall across the mexican border, brilliant. >> not as brilliant as your idea about making the mexicans pay
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for it. >> he won't last a week. >> oh, look, max, this is it. >> i will build a great, great wall on our southern border, and i will have mexico paying for that wall. mark my words. ♪ we're in the money ♪ we're in the money >> but they picked the wrong fool. >> good news for donald trump. the whole world has gone stark raving mad for him. like these two loony birds, these numskulls, and even this wack-a-doodle. >> let our warriors do their job and go kick isis ass! >> they must be thrilled. >> he's still in the lead, max. >> how could this happen? >> well, i hear he's a proven businessman who knows how to get things done. >> and he will stand up to the mexicans. >> i can't believe this. it's not possible. where did we go right? >> i don't know. >> wait a minute.
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wait a minute. did he question john mccain's war heroism? >> yes. >> did he say we should possibly kick out 11 million immigrants? >> yes. >> did he propose banning all 1 billion muslims from entering the u.s.? >> si. >> si. >> did he say heidi klum was no longer a 10? >> yes. yes. >> nothing is working, max. nothing. >> oh, no! no. >> just in time for the election, it's a story that starts off funny and then gets really, really depressing. [ applause ] ♪ we needed a chump ♪ to put on the stump ♪ a frumpy grumpy chumpy named donald j. trump ♪ ♪ he's building a wall ♪ a thousand feet tall ♪ don't worry because the mexicans will pay for it all ♪ >> from the producers of "the producers" comes the movie that'll make america great again. nathan lane, matthew broderick,
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and cloris leachman star in -- ♪ you've been trumped >> "trumped." >> maybe he won't be such a bad president. >> ding, ding, bong, bong. >> whoa. whoa. what have we done? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have a lot to come, including we have tonight on the show never-before-seen footage from "batman versus superman." our annual oscars post-show. and we'll be right back with ben affleck. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> dicky: jimmy kimmel after the oscars is brought >> announcer: "jimmy kimmel live after the oscars" is brought to you by samsung. go to youtube.com/jimmykimmellive to see guillermo immersed in a virtual world using the samsung gear vr headset. virtual world using a samsung v-r headset.
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( si'm out of thec ) hi, office right nowmma. but will get back to you just as soon as i possibly can. join princess cruises for exclusive discovery at sea experiences. princess cruises. come back new. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: i'm "jimmy kimmel live." thank you for staying up late for our 11th annual "after the oscars" special. we are beaming to you live from
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hollywood mere steps away from the dolby theater, the room where it all happened earlier tonight. by the way, we have new shows tomorrow night and all next week and a lot left to come tonight. our first guest is a two-time oscar winner, writer, director, actor and screenwriter who next month slips into a cape to keep watch over gotham city in "batman versus superman: dawn of justice." ♪ >> stay down! if i wanted it, you'd be dead already.
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♪ >> jimmy: "batman versus superman" opens march 25th. please welcome ben affleck! [ cheers and applause ] wow. you look -- you look healthy. you look healthy -- >> well, you know, you do the superhero movie and so you get muscle and then muscle turns to fat. you know. >> jimmy: wow. i mean, really. >> off cycle. >> jimmy: i mean, no offense. i really don't mean to put you in a uncomfortable position but you look -- you've really ballooned up. >> thanks. i didn't think this was going to be about body shaming tonight. [ laughter ]
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>> jimmy: what is -- what is going on here? thanks -- what have you got, a monkey under there or something? what's happening here? what is going on here? it's moving. >> no, it's not. >> jimmy: what the hell is going on here? what is this? >> hey. why are you touching me? >> jimmy: i'm not touching you. oh. [ cheers and applause ] no. sit! i want everyone to sit down! nobody -- no clapping. [ cheers and applause ] that's -- >> i just think it's gone on long enough. >> jimmy: you know, i'm upset with you more than him about
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this. >> i think it's maybe time to bury the hatchet here, man. >> jimmy: you get to decide when it's time to bury the hatchet? you know what he's done to me? >> i think as a mutual friend it's time to -- >> jimmy: this is not about you. this is about -- well, there is no us. it's not about us. >> man, have a seat. come on. sit down. >> jimmy: no, don't have a seat. that's my seat. [ cheers and applause ] i don't want him to sit. not technically the guest here. [ cheers and applause ] >> wow. >> jimmy: that's not a guest. that is not a guest segment. this is not a guest appearance. >> this feels amazing! [ cheers and applause ] wow. >> jimmy: this is not a guest appearance. >> i feel good about this. >> jimmy: you might feel good about it. i don't feel good about it. this is the guest chair. that's not a guest chair. that's a spare chair. [ laughter ] in case anything happens to this guest. you're ruining the oscars show. nobody wants you here.
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>> well, i -- >> jimmy: my own audience has turned on me! >> yes. >> and i still feel like dorothy. [ laughter ] this is wonderful. >> jimmy: you know this is illegal, what you're doing. this is trespassing. this is potentially breaking and entering. do you know you could be -- i could have you arrested right now for this. >> i don't know that. if that's true. >> jimmy: that is true. and you're an accessory. >> he's your invited guest, and you should treat him a little better. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: there was not a plus one on your invitation to be here tonight, was there? >> not technically. that's why i was one -- one shroud -- >> jimmy: can we not have him in the camera shot, please? can we just -- can we please -- yes. just slide it over so -- yes. there we go. that's fine. that's how we can do this segment. that's perfectly fine with me. [ laughter ]
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[ cheers and applause ] guillermo, you're supposed to do something. you're supposed to be watching the show and protecting me from th this. >> i was actually nominated for an oscar and i can't get on the oscars show? >> jimmy: thank you. dicky, please. [ booing ] and beat him up a little bit, too! hey, that's too bad. you want to go see his show? you go see his show next time! [ laughter ] this is my show! that's a real bummer, i have to say. i know your intentions were good but i am furious right now. and i was going to do something nice, and i was going to show this picture of you and him when you were at your first oscars. [ applause ] but now i'm not going to. how old were you in this picture in. >> i am 9 years old there.
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and -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: look. you're with your mom there. look how happy you look. >> this is how i get the reputation somehow of being like -- he gets the reputation for being the nice guy. >> jimmy: right? he's not the nice guy. >> i've been figuratively carrying him for years. >> jimmy: there you go. >> finally literally. >> jimmy: that's how he snuck into show business in the first place. true or false? you wrote "good will hunting." matt did the typing for that movie. [ laughter ] >> it's a fine line. you know what i mean? >> jimmy: do you remember when you guys won the oscar and you had to go up on stage, do you remember what you said? >> i have no idea what i said. >> jimmy: did you have anything prepared? >> we were so young and naive, we didn't think -- write a speech, that would be like assuming we were going to win and that would have been arrogant, and we didn't think we were going to win. the whole idea of writing a speech would be absurd. so then we do win. and it's like you go first. which i thought was really gracious and generous. then i realized he was standing
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there coming up with things to say. i went up there and thanked boston eight times in a row. [ laughter ] i want to thank boston and -- boston. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you can't go back. >> exactly. get half of dunkin' donuts now. >> jimmy: your son's birthday party. because your son turned 4 yesterday and his request was -- >> well, he wanted a superhero birthday party. so he wanted superheroes there. i was like all right, what heroes do you want? he's ticking off heroes. and then he was like, and i want you to do batman, real batman! [ laughter ] so i was like -- what do you say? okay. >> jimmy: you say yes, yes. >> i had to call the studio and be like is there any chance someone has my costume lying around with the cowl and the whole thing? what do you need? you know, just for some personal -- personal thing, matter that i have. so they brought the costume over. and i had to sign like away all
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this whole guarantee that i was going to use it for evil -- >> jimmy: really? >> or ruin it or anything. for the movie but not a 4-year-old's birthday. so i signed my life away and i get the costume and then the guys, the other guys, the other heroes are all there. and they have bits all worked out. you know what i mean. they were a little put off. >> jimmy: who were the other heroes that were there? >> there was wonder woman. there was superman. there was captain america. there was ironman. and there was me. [ applause ] >> jimmy: does your son really think you're bat snan is man? is it blurred? >> it was so mortifying. at first i thought it the kids, it's kids. i didn't think that of course all their parents are there. so i have to like put on my outfit for this movie and put on my scary face for the 4-year-olds and all their folks are there. you know what i mean? and it's 11:00 in the morning. and they're kind of like, wow, batman.
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>> jimmy: and then you have to tell -- no, he wanted it. he really wanted it. >> this means a lot to my son. don't make me come find you! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: ben affleck is here. we'll be right back with a never-before-seen clip from "batman versus superman." so wait up. every night before i went to bed, my dad would tell me i could do anything i set my mind to. ♪ believing it changed everything. ♪ i like to rest my heavy head tonight on a bed... ♪ you're closer than you think. ♪ ...of california stars, i like to lay ♪ ♪ my weary bones tonight on a bed... ♪ with advil liqui-gels, what body aches?
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alrino dad, you pick. i know i have a little bit of time so i'm gonna rush and say everybody, and you can cut away, i won't be mad at you. don't forget to thank your wife. i will never forget to thank my high school sweetheart and the mother of my children.
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i love you. and my parents who are here. i just want to... oh, here we go. everybody involved with the movie! i love you, i love you, i love you! good morning night.. good morning neon, shining bright. good morning hunger. good morning stars. good morning people who just left bars. good morning gamers. good morning moon. good morning morning. which will be starting soon. being hacked and intellectual property being stolen. that is cyber-crime and it affects each and every one of us. microsoft created the digital crimes unit to fight cyber-crime. we use the microsoft cloud to visualize information so we can track down the criminals.
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change the way you experience tv with x1 from xfinity. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: than [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: there you go. thank you. thank you, guillermo. good job. we are back with ben affleck. this is our "after the oscars" special. that's a great story about the birthday party. if tom brady's son -- if tom brady asked you to play batman at his son's birthday party, would you do it? >> i would miss this show, wash tom brady's car. is tom available now? and in the wonder woman outfit. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: by the way, i saw the movie, and it's great. and it's -- you know, for kids and for people who grew up loving comic books to see batman
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fight superman, it's -- it really kind of -- it's unsettling. it challenges everything you've ever believed. and i don't want to reveal too much. but i do want to say that i am in the movie and you're great in it. and henry is great in it as superman. and i am really, really great in it. and i'm so excited. >> yeah. >> jimmy: this is my first really big role in a movie. >> you were good. >> jimmy: thank you. >> but in the process of making movies one of the things that -- you know, i'm a director. so i have a sort of perspective on this. >> jimmy: i know. i'd love to be in your next one too. >> thank you. we'll talk about it. [ laughter ] but one of the things you confront with very difficult creative choices where you have one thing that's so, so good and another thing that's so, so, so, so good but they can't both be in the movie. >> jimmy: right. like you and matt on the show tonight. like one of you had to leave. >> that was a hard choice. >> jimmy: unfortunately. >> the filmmakers made a similar
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choice with your work in the film. they had to make a tough choice. and it's just -- the movie was a hair long. it just -- the stuff you did was so good, and they were like, you know, maybe what happens, he's on screen for too little amount of time to be this good. because the audience is going to be looking for him. where else is he? we want to see him. [ laughter ] so we can't have him be that good and be only in this little part of the movie. so what they went ahead and did was just took that right out. [ applause ] >> jimmy: this is a joke, right? >> no. >> jimmy: they took what out? i -- can i just -- i don't know what you're saying. >> the stuff that was so awesome, it was too awesome. >> jimmy: but not my stuff. >> like looking at the sun for a second like ah! >> jimmy: not my stuff. >> yeah, your stuff. your gifts -- >> jimmy: what do you mean they took it out? >> it's not in the movie that most people will see. if you like break into the lab or something, you can see the version with your version. >> jimmy: i have to bring it to
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the lab to see it? >> they sometimes keep -- you know how sometimes they'll do a dvd version, then another one, then another one, dredging up all these bonus clips. that could be eventually -- >> jimmy: no, that's cool. [ laughter ] >> it's just for time. >> jimmy: i need to make a phone call. is that all right? >> go right ahead. just think how matt feels. >> jimmy: so there's no way of seeing it? >> i brought -- what i did was i knew your feelings would be -- i knew it would be hard for you to understand how good you were, so i wanted you to see in person how awesome you are. so i brought the clip. >> jimmy: oh, you did? >> yes. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: so we can show it to the audience? >> we can show it to the audience. >> jimmy: oh, that's good. more people will see this than that stupid movie. [ laughter ] this is a bonus scene from "batman versus superman: dawn of justice," starring me. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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>> mr. wayne. clark kent, "daily planet." what's your position on the bat vigilante in gotham? ♪ this batman thinks he's above the law. ♪ [ laughter ] >> you're the new guy in town. is that right? >> you could say that. [ laughter ] >> we do things a little differently in gotham. >> do you? >> i know you. >> i don't think so. excuse us. >> people ever tell you you look like superman? [ laughter ] >> no. i've never heard that before. >> huh. >> like i said, mr. wayne, people in gotham need to learn -- >> you're superman. [ laughter ] >> will you excuse us?
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>> would you take a picture with us? i've got to get this on the ground. thanks. my wife's a big fan. what do they call it when you know, there's a celebrity that your wife would have sex with? you're that guy. >> okay. >> say cheese. >> put the phone back up for a second. you're batman. [ laughter ] i've got batman and superman over here. >> look, i think you have me confused with somebody else. >> yeah. look at that. >> hey, [ bleep ] off. >> awesome. >> we're just having a conversation. >> i didn't realize you were having a conversation. hey, everybody. they're having a conversation. they don't want any regular people to bother them. i'll just leave you guys alone, then. thank you. >> anyway, as i was saying, i think the people of metropolis need to learn that they can't trust an alien with a power to burn the entire civilization -- >> yeah. batman and superman.
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[ laughter ] i think they're having a fight. >> is that so? >> i don't know what's going on. hey, i'll call you back. yo, what up, periscope? it's your boy jim. i'm here with batman and super -- >> shout your mouth or i'll throw you off this planet. >> i'll rip your [ bleep ] off. [ laughter ] >> boys. bruce wayne meets clark kent. i love it. i love seeing you together. >> superman, batman. >> batman? that's not batman. he's in a nice suit. batman wears a flowing cape. no, this is not -- superman has perfect vision whereas this man's in glasses. >> look. >> oh, my god. i feel like such an idiot. of course, it's him. >> i can see why you'd feel that way. it took me like two seconds to figure it out. >> i spent my whole life trying to kill a journalist. i'm so embarrassed.
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carry on. i like your column. >> hey, look at this. batman. it's batman. >> it's true. i am batman. [ laughter ] >> you're not batman. >> i'm lego batman. >> nobody cares about lego batman. >> true. ask your kids if they care. we're still vital. >> anyway, a warning. stop. or i'll stop you. >> you'll try. >> yo, yo, yo, could i get everyone's attention, please? first of all, give it up for the dj who's been chopping it up all night. you know what i'm saying. and i want to welcome our special guests, batman and superman in the house. hit it. you know the song. ♪ soulja boy up in this hole ♪ watch me crank that soulja boy ♪
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♪ superman that ♪ you, i mean you ♪ >> thank you. >> ah hhh! [ laughter ] ahhhhh! [ coughing ] >> hey, mister, are you okay? you're on mars. [ laughter ] you've got to be kidding me. >> oh, god. >> kimmel. >> are we the only ones up here? >> yeah. >> oh.
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so what do you do? >> besides grow food potatoes? not much. but now that you're here i was thinking maybe let's do a talk show. you could host it. i'll be your -- i'll be your guest. every night. >> oh. yeah. no, no. that's -- i'm going to pass on that. but thanks. and congratulations on not winning the oscar. i'm just going to go over there and die alone. it's good to see you, though. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> i brought a kazoo. >> jimmy: there you go. ben affleck, everybody. "batman versus superman." march 25th. thank you for bringing that for me. >> you're welcome. see how good you are. it's just too good. >> jimmy: we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ]
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>> dicky: "jimmy kimmel live" after the oscars is brought to you by samsung. go to youtube.com/jimmykimmellive to see guillermo immersed in a virtual world using the samsung gear vr headset. v-r headset. it should be important to your network. sign here. so at&t connects you to the things that matter most, including directv so you don't miss a moment of award season. 32? and the network is available when and where you need it. that's me! thank you! that way, you're not just watching your favorite award shows, you're a part of them. this is your network. the network of at&t.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back to our 11th annual "after the oscars" tv perspective. we are live. i am wearing formal dress. we are right across the street from the dolby theater where we have a camera at the governor's ball. let's see what is happening and who is happening. look at who we have here. it's oscar winner alicia vikander. hello there, alicia. how are you doing? >> great. >> jimmy: congratulations. >> thank you so much. i on the really agreed to talk to you because i heard that you kicked matt out. i'm so proud of you. >> jimmy: thank you for saying that. >> i'm so proud of you. >> jimmy: he was very rude to do that. he didn't announce he was coming. he actually snuck in, inside ben affleck's navel, which i thought was dirty to do on our big night of the year. >> really? that just shows who he really is. i'm so glad. you can see that's just his -- >> jimmy: oscar is almost your size. it's big. is it heavier than you thought
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it would be? >> it is heavy. i kind of -- i guess you could do that. to be equal. >> jimmy: have you handled one of those before? >> i have not. it looks like an oscar. >> jimmy: it does look just like an oscar. who did you call after you won? did you make any telephone calls? >> no. >> jimmy: you haven't called anyone? >> i've just been -- i haven't called anyone yet. i will. i think sweden is wake up. at the moment. so hopefully i can reach some of my friends. >> jimmy: will there be a parade for you when you return home? >> i'm going to just -- i'm going to do a parade myself tonight. i'm just going to kick off my shoes and dance. >> jimmy: okay, very good. well, congratulations to you. i don't want to keep you. i know you're having a big celebration there. [ applause ] >> thank you so much. >> jimmy: thank you so much. congratulations, alicia vikander's there. and yeah, she's swedish. she's from -- actually from sweden. a lot of people like those candy fish, they say they're swedish. not really. [ laughter ]
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hello naturally aged cheddar, made by a real craftsman. hello better lunchboxes, better sunday family dinners. hello people who care about their food. we found something real. tillamook. [ ch [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i want to thank the academy, l

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